Guest Blog: I am...not alone.

This blog was written by my wife on her public Facebook page, Opinionated Wife of Mr Liberal OWL and she agreed to be a guest on this blog.

Yesterday Brony (an admin over at High on Quack) posted his 'Coming Out Day' statement. I thought, "what a great idea!" I can express my (almost) deepest darkest secret over here, where my open-minded friends will be all warm and fuzzy. I wouldn't dare reveal my REAL sexuality on my personal page...my professional networking would be dead. 

So, I thought, here I go, "I'm bisexual...well, except...and not really...." Ok, stop. I've gone through this my entire life. I don't know what I am, and because of this, I didn't know who I was either. Several weeks ago a friend of mine posted that she supported LGBTA. Someone asked what that meant, and she responded with an answer I knew well, but she continued. She said it should actually be "LGBTAQIA." At that point I learnd the meaning of 'intersexual' (the others I knew). I thought, "Well, I must be 'questioning' because I sure don't fit any of the others really." Then, Brony posted that he was 'pangendered.' Stranger and stranger...

I didn't know I could be anything other than male, female or androgenous. I guess I thought there were three categories and I had to pick one. Well, it just never fit. It didn't fit to the point that I couldn't even properly describe my gender identity or sexuality. For example, if you tell a heterosexual, biological male that he is essentially the same as a homosexual woman, he looks at you weird..ok, well Mr. Liberal does anyway. No, Mr. Liberal knows he's male. To me, this was a foreign concept. 

I was so confused that I assumed there must simply be a continuum on which everyone existed somewhere. I've debated with Mr. Liberal, my childhood (homosexual, biological male) best friend and even with Duck about whether anyone can truly be ONLY homosexual or ONLY heterosexual. It was my opinion that everyone was at least a little bit of both...kinda like Republicans and Democrats, few people agree 100% with either side. 

So, back to me...When Brony posted that he was pangendered, I Googled it. Interesting concept, "a person who cannot be labeled as either male or female, but as a third gender entirely" (or somethin close to that). We were getting closer...but more important, I was starting to realize that I was not alone. I have always used the best descriptions I knew, but my ignorance caused me much strife. 

As open minded as I am, I was ignorant enough to think that my life-long problem describing my gender and sexuality was unique...now I learn that I simply did not have the necessary vocabulary to even find others like me. How good it feels to know I am not alone!  I feel like shackles have been removed that I do not have to use those three traditional words anymore.

So, what am I? Eh, I don't know yet. I want to find the perfect words before labeling myself again. All I know is, I am not alone. :)

UPDATE: I wrote this last night and almost posted it. Then, I freaked. Mr. Liberal was in bed and I didn't know how he would react. I mean, I know he's extremely liberal and he accepts all gender and sexuality identities as 'normal.' However, I realize that things could be different when they hit home. He knows I've identified myself as both 'bisexual' and 'a lesbian who fell in love with a man.' He knows that I always dreamed as a man until I met him. He knows I'm masculine...but how would he feel when I told him I may not actually be 100% female? I mean, what if he just isn't attracted to someone who is pangendered or two-spirited or whatever I might be...

His response: "I love you for you. I love all of you. I have always known you weren't simply female. Just because you didn't label it doesn't mean I couldn't recognize it. I will always love you for what you are, regardless of how you label it." 

I cried. (I don't do that often. :)

Mrs. Liberal